Today is Thanksgiving. A day to reflect on what we're grateful for and what truly means the most to us in this life. A day to put aside differences, take a good look at our lives and say "damn, I'm blessed". And every few years, Thanksgiving happens to coincide with my mom's birthday on November 26th. She used to hate it when that happened. I remember hearing her in the kitchen like it was yesterday: "Today's my birthday and I'm stuck in the kitchen ALL day making food, cleaning...ugh!". But, deep down, I secretly knew that she didn't mind it one bit. My mom loved us - her family - so very much, and loved doing things for other people. She LIVED for helping others. So to spend her birthday surrounded by the people she loved, making food with and for the people who meant the most to her? Well, I think she wouldn't have wanted to spend her birthday any other way...
And that's why the holidays are so hard for me now. Ever since her passing 9 years ago, they've never felt quite the same. My mom WAS the holidays. Her cheery disposition, her warm hugs and smiles, the way she decorated the tree and filled the house with love. Until she was gone, I never realized or appreciated the fact that she truly was the energy and the sparkle behind the magic of the holidays.
So over the years, the celebrations have evolved. The first few years after she died, I think my dad and I just had Thanksgiving on our own. That was hard. During those times it really sunk in that she was gone. Then we spent a few years going up to Seattle and spending Thanksgiving with my mom's side of the family, like we had done many years in the past when she was around. But the commute was long and there was also a feeling of absence - someone missing -from those Thanksgivings, too.
In recent years, Thanksgivings have greatly varied. If you've been reading my blog for a while, you'll remember my Thanksgiving in Tanzania, 3 years ago. That year I had to learn to create a new network of family for the holiday. That gave me a good reminder of what I had to be thankful for back home. And for the past couple of years, my dad and I have spent Thanksgiving up in Portland with our neighbors from home (Newport) that I grew up with. We've started creating NEW traditions and embracing our extended network of family: our friends, our neighbors, our loved ones.
This year, we're heading back to the coast, to Lincoln City, to spend Thanksgiving with my boyfriend Jeff's family. Lincoln City is just a short drive up the road from where my dad still lives and I grew up, and it will be my first time spending Thanksgiving on the coast in years. It will be a small gathering: my dad, his mom & step-dad, and the two of us. Intimate and peaceful. Familiar, but new. This will be the first time our families will have gathered together for the holidays. And for Christmas, Jeff & I will host everyone in our home up in Portland. We are now starting new holiday traditions in our own home, and that is refreshing and exciting for me. After 9 years, I am finally starting to feel like the holidays are something to look forward to again....
And while we are moving forward and creating new Thanksgiving traditions with family and friends, new and old, my mom is with me today maybe more than any other day of the year. Her spirit of giving, her thoughtful ways and her warmth and love are so fondly remembered and sorely missed. And I couldn't be more grateful for having had such a caring, loving mother.
So squeeze your loved ones extra tight today and keep gratitude in your heart for their presence at your Thanksgiving feast...even if they annoy the heck outta ya ;)
She would have been 65 today. Happy Birthday Mom. I love you and miss you every day.
And that's why the holidays are so hard for me now. Ever since her passing 9 years ago, they've never felt quite the same. My mom WAS the holidays. Her cheery disposition, her warm hugs and smiles, the way she decorated the tree and filled the house with love. Until she was gone, I never realized or appreciated the fact that she truly was the energy and the sparkle behind the magic of the holidays.
So over the years, the celebrations have evolved. The first few years after she died, I think my dad and I just had Thanksgiving on our own. That was hard. During those times it really sunk in that she was gone. Then we spent a few years going up to Seattle and spending Thanksgiving with my mom's side of the family, like we had done many years in the past when she was around. But the commute was long and there was also a feeling of absence - someone missing -from those Thanksgivings, too.
In recent years, Thanksgivings have greatly varied. If you've been reading my blog for a while, you'll remember my Thanksgiving in Tanzania, 3 years ago. That year I had to learn to create a new network of family for the holiday. That gave me a good reminder of what I had to be thankful for back home. And for the past couple of years, my dad and I have spent Thanksgiving up in Portland with our neighbors from home (Newport) that I grew up with. We've started creating NEW traditions and embracing our extended network of family: our friends, our neighbors, our loved ones.
This year, we're heading back to the coast, to Lincoln City, to spend Thanksgiving with my boyfriend Jeff's family. Lincoln City is just a short drive up the road from where my dad still lives and I grew up, and it will be my first time spending Thanksgiving on the coast in years. It will be a small gathering: my dad, his mom & step-dad, and the two of us. Intimate and peaceful. Familiar, but new. This will be the first time our families will have gathered together for the holidays. And for Christmas, Jeff & I will host everyone in our home up in Portland. We are now starting new holiday traditions in our own home, and that is refreshing and exciting for me. After 9 years, I am finally starting to feel like the holidays are something to look forward to again....
And while we are moving forward and creating new Thanksgiving traditions with family and friends, new and old, my mom is with me today maybe more than any other day of the year. Her spirit of giving, her thoughtful ways and her warmth and love are so fondly remembered and sorely missed. And I couldn't be more grateful for having had such a caring, loving mother.
So squeeze your loved ones extra tight today and keep gratitude in your heart for their presence at your Thanksgiving feast...even if they annoy the heck outta ya ;)
She would have been 65 today. Happy Birthday Mom. I love you and miss you every day.
